therapy

Mental Health & POC

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Interview – Depression

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Affair Recovery

Recovery from infidelity can depend on cultural background. It may depend on a couple’s personal or religious views. Many couples pursue therapy to decide if they should stay in a relationship after the affair. Therapy may help them process their feelings about it.

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Divorce Counseling

People may seek therapy to help them decide if they should leave a marriage. Others may seek counseling for help changing from married to single life. One-on-one or couples therapy can help you work toward either of these goals.

Therapy can teach coping skills that may help people work toward a new life. It could help someone have a healthier outlook on their divorce. Therapy for divorce can make people feel encouraged and empowered. It can be a safe place to share feelings and thoughts. This can be helpful during what is often a difficult time.

WHY CHOOSE THERAPY FOR DIVORCE

When a marriage ends, it can be traumatic for both partners. Divorce can be mentally, physically, and financially demanding. To cope with this, a couple who is divorcing may choose to begin therapy. Divorce therapy is often done on a one-on-one basis. A person going through divorce may feel guilt, fear, anxiety, depression and grief.

Working with a therapist can provide a goal and rational perspective. It can arm a person with skills to work through the difficulties of the divorce. Those who use therapy to help them get over a divorce can often benefit. They may come to learn more about themselves. The change divorce brings can be a chance for personal growth and development.

TYPES OF THERAPY FOR DIVORCE

MEDIATION FOR DIVORCE

Mediation can be an alternative to discussing a divorce in court. Going to court can be an exhausting and expensive process. Some courts mandate mediation for divorcing couples. But some couples might choose mediation over court on their own. Mediation can be a better option than going to court for some couples. It may take factors without legal significance into account. This can help if there are many factors to consider.

In mediation, couples discuss custody, asset division, and other issues with a mediator. The mediator tries to help the couple reach a legally binding settlement on their own. Mediation may take less time than a divorce litigation. It is often a less costly process. Couples may be able to reach an agreement that satisfies them both. Mediation may also improve their communication for the future. This can make a significant impact if the couple has children.

STRATEGIES FOR COPING WITH DIVORCE

The divorce process can by busy and stressful. It may become crucial to find new ways to handle stress. A few ways to cope with divorce include:

• Guided breathing exercises or meditation. Breathwork and meditation can help increase mindfulness. Mindfulness is the act of being aware of and focused on immediate physical sensations around you. It can be useful for calming stress.
• Talking with a trusted friend. When looking for someone to talk to, choose another adult. The stressors that come with divorce can be too much for children to handle.
• Trying a new perspective. Think in terms that make the divorce feel smaller and more manageable.
• Self-care. Take a bubble bath, go for a run, or watch a favorite movie. Self-care can refresh your mind and body. It can also increase your ability to handle stress in difficult times.

CASE EXAMPLES: DIVORCE RECOVERY

• Therapy for grief after divorce. Rudy and Jill are couple in their early thirties with no children. They come in for marriage counseling and are considering separation. Jill wants to save the marriage. Rudy is ready to leave. After two or three sessions, it becomes clear that Rudy has made up his mind. The therapist helps the couple to talk about their relationship openly. Rudy and Jill are both able to learn, grow, and prepare for separation. After the separation, the therapist continues to work with Jill to help her manage her grief. She is able to begin moving forward as a single woman.
• Divorce after a 30-year marriage. Raoul, 59, enters therapy after divorcing his wife of 30 years. Raoul’s children are grown. He has been unhappy for years. He hoped the divorce would make him feel better. He instead finds he is devastated by the loss. His wife, who had not wanted a divorce, now seems to Raoul “to be doing fine.” This confuses him terribly. He even spoke to his wife about reconciling, but she was uninterested. Raoul thinks that is for the best. But he cannot seem to make the adjustment to being single. A therapist helps Raoul identify his fears about being single. The therapist helps him develop skills and a support system. This helps Raoul stay connected with people and feel hopeful about the future. Together, they identify the benefits of marriage Raoul has given up. They also look at the benefits of being single he can now enjoy. The therapist helps Raoul get in touch with his grief and guilt surrounding the divorce. He explores his positive feelings towards his ex-wife. He is able to investigate his fears about being able to stay connected with his children.

References:

1. Divorce counseling. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.neilrosenthal.com/marriage-therapy/divorce-counseling
2. Stoner, K. (n.d.). Divorce mediation myths. Nolo.com. Retrieved from http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/divorce-mediation-myths-30191.html

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Anti Stress Therapy

There are many healthy ways to relieve stress. Multiple methods can also be used together! This can help people relieve stress that affects them at different levels, like physically and emotionally.

When deciding how to manage stress, it is important to make sure your method is healthy and will work long-term. For example, eating comfort food may help someone feel better in the short term. But if eating comfort food becomes a primary method for dealing with stress, their health can be affected. This may result in another potential stressor, poor physical health.

Talking to a therapist about stress can also be a key part of addressing and reducing it in the long-term. After getting to know you, a therapist may recommend healthy strategies for dealing with stress. They might personalize these to best suit your needs.

Over 75% of people in the United States report having physical symptoms of stress, according to a 2014 study. These symptoms included tiredness, tension, headaches, and upset stomach. On top of this, 43% said they eat unhealthy food or eat too much when stressed. Both of these habits can lead to serious health problems. A therapist or counselor can help you learn to manage stress in ways that improve, not reduce, your health and longevity.

COUNSELING FOR STRESS MANAGEMENT

When stress leads to drug abuse, chronic illness or pain, lack of pleasure or relaxation, or otherwise negatively affects well-being, meeting with a mental health professional or medical doctor can help. Health care professionals can work with you to treat your stress symptoms and work through the issues causing it.

Therapy can help address stress that occurs as a result of life events. When a person is stressed due to loss, divorce, or a life-altering medical diagnosis, therapy can help address these concerns and other effects they can have on a person’s life. When workplace issues lead to stress, for example, a therapist may help a person explore ways to deal with those issues. If an individual is stressed because of a family or relationship issue, couples or family therapy may help them resolve the issue. This can reduce stress for everyone involved.

TYPES OF THERAPY TO RELIEVE STRESS

Therapists and counselors use many types of treatment to help people cope with stress in healthy ways. For example, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is often an effective form of therapy for stress. CBT can help change negative thought patterns that develop because of stress. It is often used to help people find new ways of thinking about events that cause stress. These new ways of thinking can help reduce the impact of the stressor.

Other types of therapy that can help with stress are often mindfulness-based. This means they promote mindfulness as a method for reducing stress. Many types of therapy incorporate mindfulness. A few of these include mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT), dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT).

Stress can also come from other mental health conditions like anxiety, PTSD, or addictions. These conditions are also treatable with therapy. A therapist can help you understand your overall mental health. Based on what they find, they can recommend the best treatment plan for your situation.

Talk with your therapist about any personal stressors and symptoms. Your therapist can then find the best counseling strategies for you.

TIPS FOR MANAGING STRESS

Therapists may also give advice on strategies you can use to manage or relieve stress on your own. Stress affects the body, mind, and emotions. It follows that effective stress reduction targets stress as it occurs in the body, mind, and emotions. Below are some tips for reducing stress in each of these areas:

Body:

• Deep breathing
• A hot bath
• Exercise, such as running, dancing, swimming, or yoga
• Massage or acupuncture
• Taking a nap
• Spending time with a pet
• Taking a nature walk
• Listening to soothing music
• Aromatherapy

Mind:

• Reality testing negative thoughts and catastrophic thinking
• Planning and keeping organized
• Focusing on positive life events
• Meditating
• Using positive self-talk or affirmations

Emotions:

• Laughing or crying
• Expressing stressful emotions through art or writing
• Talking stressful events over with someone you trust
• Engaging in a hobby, such as cooking, crafting, or gardening

Self-help books and seminars that teach coping methods or ways to reduce stress may also be effective for some people.

MANAGING STRESS IN THERAPY: CASE EXAMPLES

• Stress from perfectionism: Ben, 47, recently experienced a minor heart attack. His doctor told him to reduce his stress levels. Ben runs his own business with a budget of over ten million dollars.  Although a good deal of his income goes to support his large family, the maintenance of two homes, and some old debts, he has no financial needs. Ben reports feeling angry and emotionally distanced from his family, though he knows they love him. In therapy, Ben discusses his drive to achieve and readily accepts that he is something of a perfectionist. He also uncovers an intense anxiety about letting down his father, whose own business acumen caused Ben to feel he would have had to “conquer the world” to please him. For the short term, the therapist teaches Ben meditation techniques and encourages him to explore other methods of relaxation, such as a sport or hobby, on his own. Over the next two months, the therapist helps Ben come to terms with his father’s disappointment. After several sessions, Ben begins to notice a decrease in the amount of stress he experiences. He feels more relaxed and open around his family, even after working long days. They begin to set aside more time to enjoy leisure activities together.
• Stress from insecure future: Sonia, 24, feels overworked. She has little money. What she has, she spends on alcohol, drinking every night after work to relax enough to sleep. However, she is often still too stressed to sleep. She ends up going to the gym and running to the point of exhaustion, often in the middle of the night. Sometimes she collapses at work, which increases her level of stress and causes her to fall further behind. She is not happy and cannot fathom what her future will be. In therapy, she reveals a serious coffee habit (measured in pots, not cups, per day). She also discusses her general unhappiness with her job and her life. In response to the therapist’s questions, she reports she obtained a bachelor’s degree in fine art and that she was considered to be a talented painter by her professors, but that she failed to make money or find a job in her field after graduating and therefore gave up on art. She considers the therapist’s suggestion that not pursuing her goals or using her talents may have contributed to the significant stress she is under. Sonia agrees the suggestion may have some merit. The therapist demonstrates some relaxation techniques, including deep breathing and positive imagery, and helps Sonia articulate short and long term goals. They then begin together to identify the steps required to achieve these goals. Sonia decides to abstain from alcohol and reduce her caffeine intake. She is able to rearrange her work schedule to allow her to begin taking masters level art classes. She begins to paint again, which helps reduce her stress significantly.

References:

1. Blinder, D. (2009, August 20). 5 ways that spending time with animals helps your health. Retrieved from http://www.rodalenews.com/stress-relief-and-animals
2. Stress a major health problem in the U.S., warns APA. (2007, October 24). American Psychological Association. Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2007/10/stress.aspx
3. Stress management. (2013, July 9). Retrieved from http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/stress-management/in-depth/stress-symptoms/art-20050987?pg=1

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Couple & Relationship Issues

Good relationships can be a source of love, fulfillment, and support. Many people consider finding a romantic partner to be their purpose in life. However, even the best relationships will face challenges. It takes effort to keep the bonds of intimacy strong.

As long as each partner is willing to address the issue at hand and work together toward a solution, most relationship problems are manageable. When challenges are left unaddressed, tension mounts, poor habits develop, and the longevity of the relationship falls into jeopardy. A couples counselor can help romantic partners communicate their needs and rebuild their bond.

Editor’s note: This page focuses on monogamous relationships. You can read more about polyamorous relationships here.

DO YOU HAVE AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP?

While it is impossible to predict the future, relationships are more likely to last a lifetime if they are healthy. But when you are in the thick of conflict, it can be hard to tell if you and your partner are going through a rough patch or if you have unhealthy relationship dynamics. If you are unsure, here are a few questions to ask yourself:

Do you make time for romance?

Healthy couples often make intimacy and romance a priority, even when the rest of their lives are busy. In unhealthy relationships, partners often get distracted with work or parenting responsibilities, and they neglect to make time for each other. This phenomenon can cause partners to grow apart.

As couples age, their sexual needs and desires may grow out of sync. Healthy couples work through these changes to create a sex life that suits everyone. In unhealthy couples, an individual may resent their partner for not meeting their expectations. They may cheat on their partner and seek sexual fulfillment outside the relationship.

What happens when you disagree?

Every couple has disagreements. But when they have conflict, healthy couples still show each other respect and affection. They look for chances to agree with or compromise with each other to find solutions to the problem. When one person is upset at their partner, they complain about behavior rather than criticizing the partner’s character or worth.

Unhealthy couples tend to dismiss each other’s viewpoints, both verbally and through body language. An individual may use mockery, insults, or unrelated grudges to “win” the fight. They may also get defensive or start stonewalling when they feel attacked. Unhealthy relationships can move from toxic to abusive when threats, emotional manipulation, and physical violence are present.

Do you each have a sense of self outside the relationship?

Relationships can be a vital source of self-esteem, emotional support, and identity. However, even the best spouse cannot fill a person’s every need. Healthy couples still nurture bonds with their families, friends, and the larger community. They can each spend time with other people without getting jealous or insecure.

Partners can still love each other without sharing everything in their lives. They do not have to share 100% of their hobbies or opinions. If one person insists on having everything their way or tries to control their partner’s life, then the relationship has likely become toxic.

What does each partner contribute to the relationship?

Many couples fight over how much each person contributes to finances, housework, or parenting duties. One or both people may believe they are doing more than their share of work. They may feel overwhelmed, resentful, or unappreciated. These disputes can get even more complicated when one party has a physical or mental health issue that affects their daily functioning.

In a healthy relationship, partners will negotiate their responsibilities fairly and in good faith. An equitable workload can take many forms. Perhaps both partners work part-time and split the housework 50-50. Or maybe one individual financially supports their partner through graduate school, then the second partner works while the first starts a small business. There is no single formula for fairness.

WHAT TO EXPECT IN COUPLES COUNSELING

Couples often seek counseling when relationship problems begin to interfere with daily functioning or when partners are unsure about continuing the relationship. Married couples often go to marriage counseling. Couples who are dating, cohabitating, or engaged often go to premarital counseling.

Couples often approach counseling with the hope that the therapist will tell them who is right. However, relationship counselors are unlikely to take sides in an argument. Instead, trained therapists help each partner to communicate their needs more clearly and listen to the other partner more carefully. As a third party, they can show a couple when and where miscommunication is happening. In other words, most therapists aren’t working to end disagreements so much as help couples negotiate healthy solutions to their conflicts.

Couples don’t need to be in a crisis to benefit from counseling. A couple could seek therapy to prevent conflict as they navigate new terrain in their lives. For example, a couple may seek counseling after their child dies so they can keep their marriage strong as they grieve. A couple could also wish to improve their relationship in general, even if they don’t know exactly what their relationship needs.

For couples counseling to significantly help a relationship, each partner needs to commit, at a minimum, to the relationship counseling for the time it continues. According to the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy, couples therapy lasts 11.5 sessions on average. However, there is no limit to how many sessions a couple can have. Some couples will need more time than others to work through their problems.

Couples counseling is not recommended for abusive relationships. To get the most out of couples counseling, each partner also needs to demonstrate honesty, respect for their partner, and a willingness to accept personal accountability. These qualities are rarely present in abusive relationships, which may make the therapy process difficult or impossible. The safety of each partner is paramount to ensuring positive treatment outcomes. Thus, many therapists will not engage in relationship counseling if domestic violence has occurred.

If you and your partner would like to attend marriage counseling or relationship therapy, you can find a couples counselor here.

References:

1. About marriage and family therapists. (n.d.). American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. Retrieved from https://www.aamft.org/About_AAMFT/About_Marriage_and_Family_Therapists.aspx?hkey=1c77b71c-0331-417b-b59b-34358d32b909
2. Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. (2014). Retrieved from http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships
3. Gottman, J. (2014, November 19). The 3 phases of love. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-3-phases-of-love
4. Lisitsa, E. (2013, April 23). The four horsemen: Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Retrieved from https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling
5. McCabe, M. P. (2006). Satisfaction in marriage and committed heterosexual relationships: Past, present, and future. Annual Review of Sex Research, 17, 39-58. Retrieved from http://search.proquest.com/docview/225227658?accountid=1229
6. Nine psychological tasks for a good marriage. (n.d.). Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/marriage

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Family Problems

Family problems can manifest in the healthiest of families, resulting in challenging, frustrating, and painful interactions among family members. From little irritations to buried resentments, from dramatic arguments to feelings of guilt, disappointment, and anger we did not even know we had, our families often bring up the most intense emotions we experience, for better or worse.

COMMON CONCERNS AND SYMPTOMS

Ideally, our families are those whom we can always rely on for support, from whom we draw strength and feedback, for whom we feel love and concern, and with whom we feel close and comfortable, openly sharing thoughts and feelings. In reality, few families meet this expectation 100% of the time, and in some cases, a person’s family is far from ideal, associated instead with stress, misunderstanding, anger, disconnection, and unmet needs. From our family of origin, we develop our expectations of others, communication skills, outlook on life, ability to give and receive love, and coping skills, among myriad other traits, and chronic family problems can have lasting effects.

Family problems from mild to severe will challenge every family at some point. These can result from behavioral and mental health issues in the family or from specific stressful events. Common family problems include:

• Financial issues
• Grief
• Substance abuse
• Behavioral issues and academic concerns in children and adolescents
• Mental health concerns
• Separation, divorce, or blended family adjustments
• Chronic illness

Whatever the source, distressing family dynamics can greatly interfere with the functioning of every family member, including extended family, although those living in the same household are likely to be impacted more significantly than those who live apart. When family members do not get along, the tension can impact each family member’s mental and physical health, relationships, and even his or her capacity for routine tasks. Evidence of family problems can materialize through repeated family conflicts, dramatic behavioral shifts in children and adolescents, mood swings and depression.

Fortunately, resolving family issues require the cooperation of everyone in the family, and this provides a great opportunity to strengthen family ties and interactions.

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Treating Depression

Depression is one of the most common mental health issues treated in therapy. Long-term trends in research data suggest more and more people are experiencing depression every year. This holds true for most ethnicities, ages, and genders. 

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Grief, Loss, and Bereavement

Grief is often painful, but for some people, the emotions can become overwhelming. When a person’s grief is severe and unrelenting, a therapist can offer support. In time, a person can recover from their loss and adjust to a new life.

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Anxiety Disorders

Everyone faces the odd bout of anxiety from time to time, but a genuine anxiety disorder can be nothing less than crippling to a person’s everyday life. The difference being that while normal anxiety may accompany a somewhat unsettling or unpleasant event in life;

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